A successful wedding, or a successful marriage?
Last month when I accompanied my husband to have his hair cut in a funky barber shop, I came across a bridal magazine. I was attracted to the Wedding Timeline article, whereby they provided a table with the to-do-list wedding preparation and how many months/weeks/days beforehand you must prepare for them. Interestingly, the list told the readers to prepare for wedding bands, dress, reception venue, beauty rituals, photographer, honeymoon, bonbonniere… Nowhere in the article had I found tips on how to prepare for a successful marriage.
Isn’t it ironic when a wedding that lasts a day (or a few more depending on your culture and where you live), needs a 6 months or more preparation? Whereby a marriage that is suppose to last a very long time (even until the day you die), wasn’t even on the list? Then, I am not surprised when a survey said 50% of marriages don’t last. The industry is selling the Cinderella dream!
One of the main reasons of break-ups is communication. It is either because of lack of communication, or too much of it. Either after a while things become boring and you start looking elsewhere which leads to an affair, or the relationship becomes too hot and unbearable due to too many heated arguments and abuse.
When you are in the state of being ‘in love’ like many couples when they prepare their weddings, the experience is euphoric. We are emotionally obsessed with each other. We go to sleep thinking of one another. When we wake up our partner is the first thought on our minds. We could kiss forever if we didn’t have to go to work.
Unfortunately, the ‘in love’ experience is fiction, not fact. We are not going to be infatuated with our partner forever. We are not going to continue pleasing the other person without any consideration for our own needs or fulfilling our own top values. Suddenly our eyes opened, and we see the warts of the other person. We recognize that some of his/her personality traits are actually irritating, annoying and even shocking. Intimate lovers can become enemies and marriage a war battle.
A few tips on how to prepare for a successful marriage:
- Communicate openly and deeply about your feelings (likes, dislikes) in regards to specific matters that may become problematic or enhance your relationship in the future,
- Set common goals and personal goals and agree to respect them,
- Be honest about your boundaries and set them. What are the things that are totally unacceptable to you and your partner?
- Document all of the above therefore in the moment of a heated situation; you may refer back to the list.
- Invest in Couples Coaching. It is a very worthy investment if you would like to keep a healthy and happy relationship. You may learn about each other’s values, love languages, ways to keep the intimacy going, steps to achieving your goals etc.
- Above all, love each other unconditionally as you may hurt one another intentionally or not.
You and your partner are meant to be a team, giving each other strength, love and teaching life lessons that you might not get when you were single.
If you need some support in your relationship, facing big life transitions or may know someone that may need my help, I would be very happy to accompany your/their journey, so you/they may have a successful relationship and amazing life.
Ingrid can be contacted on 0413 161 616 or email firstname.lastname@example.org to make an appointment.